Hi guys, how you all doing?
Sorry I've been quiet for a little while. I've actually bee a bit under the weather and not feeling great. But I'm on the mend now.
Having a few days away has given me a bit of time to reflect on things though...
You guys keep saying you want to get to know me better hey? Well now you can listen to me rant a little lol :-)
So I love my work, I've been doing glamour modelling / videos / and now camming for years and years. It pays me well, when I get my arse in gear, and its a fun way to make money.
But at what price?
Future Work
Think about girls in the industry. We are not, except for very few, in any way famous. However you type our name into google and we're everywhere. So the notion of keeping your work a 'secret' is to be honest slightly delusional I think.
And that's all fine if you intend to continue working in this industry forever. But I'm really not sure someones going to pay to see me naked when I'm 60, neither am I sure I'm going to want to be showing people :-)
I am however sure I'm still going to need to be earning money at that age as a pension plan isn't standard in the porn industry!
So I think realistically about the future and I guess I need sooner or later to get a 'proper' job. And the prospects of that after doing this are affected massively by the 'google search' scenario I mentioned above.
Relationships
Well I guess this is a tricky one for a lot of us. Setting aside the fact that you would have to find someone comfortable with thousands of men having seen you naked etc, most (def not all) but a fair few of us in this industry have our own baggage. Its not what you might call a vocation. Many of us have got here down a twisted and bumpy road, so a slightly twisted and bumpy mindset may be expected? :-) I'm not really selling us as g/f material here am I lol? Don't get me wrong, many girls have great relationships. And there are men out there who really are cool and ok with this job. How about you? Could you honestly handle your g/f going on naked photo shoots? Or closing the bedroom door whilst she plays with herself for men on camera? Its a big ask.
Self Esteem
So, I'm not gonna lie, I totally get off on the compliments and positivity I get from viewers. And I will happily shake my ass and cleavage all day long if I know its being appreciated. And then I will turn off my cam and go do the washing up and think about my day, and muse at how nice all the fellas were, and how lucky I am that they find me attractive....and how looks don't last forever ....its not all about looks....well actually it totally is...and how one day I wont be able to attract any attention...selling my looks is all i really know...so when they are gone what's the future for me? Its a vicious circle back to the beginning again
So this is me, the real me, having a moan and sharing my thoughts. I'm not pitying myself, contrary to how that might have read. I'm not stupid now, nor was I when I got into this line of work. But maybe I didn't look at the long term prospects. Or maybe I did but as a naive 20 yr old I prob thought the future would take care of itself.
Next time you see me on cam or in a picture I will be smiling and it will be genuine because I love my work as much now as I ever have. But you wanted to know I was real and I am.
I hope I haven't depressed you all with this post! Please take it as an opportunity to get to know me a little bit better. My life is an amazing, wonderful adventure and I am so so lucky to have done and be doing some of things I get up to. I would not change it for toffee, and I really don't want to sound ungrateful. I'm sorry if I do :-)
( Maybe one day someone will write a folk or country song on this very subject 'A Pornstars Lament'. I will watch out for that, it will be a huge hit I reckon lol)
